Suddenly Single

Learning to say “no”

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hello everyone:

One of the hardest things for a people-pleaser to do is to say “no” when someone makes a request. If you are serious about your future, sometimes you have to turn down a request to do something.

When starting college or a new job, this is something you need to be able to say pretty quickly, or you will miss deadlines. I used to be very active in my church, but taking on home schooling and a double major in college made it so I could no longer be at church every time the doors opened.  The amazing thing is that they replaced me pretty quickly. Ladies’ banquets still got planned and thrown, missionaries still got treated to a home cooked meal when they arrived, and children still got babysat in the nursery. And this happened all without my showing up to open up and set up and staying to lock up the church at the end of the event. What an eye-opener!

While I did enjoy continuing my involvement with the adult choir and Passion Plays, everything else could wait until I finished college. It took 14 years for me to complete my education, but the church is still running. The good thing about saying “no” is that you give someone else the opportunity to serve. You can still support the ministries through prayer; you can still support any causes you believe in through donations or encouragement. The bottom line is: You don’t have to do it all yourself! I have found that, if the cause is worthwhile, 100% of the time someone else steps up and does the job you felt you absolutely had to do.

What have you learned about saying “no?” How did you get over your feelings of being the only one who could do or run something? I would love to hear your thoughts!

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Homeschooling tips

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hello everyone:

When I home schooled the younger of my two sons, there were several things that we did to make the day go more smoothly. Here are the issues that we faced and how we handled them;

Having a schedule was very important, so that he knew what we were going to do and when we were going to do it. For the first year, we kept to the same schedule that he had been on while in a private school. For example, we began with pledges and prayer and worked our way through the day, just like he had been accustomed to. There was one notable exception: he was working at three times the speed of the traditional classroom. As a result, he finished the school year one month early, having completed all of his books. We spent the rest of the year studying anything he was interested in, such as space flight and marine life.

Next, I found that visualization was important. As such, I began each school day by removing all of the books from the home school cabinet and then stacking them according to subject. As we  completed each subject, I put the books back in the cabinet (this included my teacher’s version of each book, so the stacks were quite high). When the table was empty, we were done for the day.

Third, we took a break each day about mid-morning. He could play outside while I walked around and enjoyed the day. We both “got the wiggles out” by doing this. A little fresh air really revitalized us. After the school day was over, we also walked three miles together for PE class.

Finally, we made a point of eating out for one lunch per week, so that we felt like there was something to look forward to (we were very involved in two home school groups where he visited with other kids once a week and he was active in our church youth group, but this was something that just the two of us did). While in the restaurant of his choice, we talked about what it cost to start a restaurant of that type. This continued the learning experience, while also stopping people for turning us in for truancy, since my son was obviously healthy but not in school.

Hope this helps!

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Time Management

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hello everyone:

Today’s blog is about time management, at the request of one of my students. How do you keep on top of things when juggling work, school, and family? Here are some tips that I have used:

First, keep a month-at-a-glance calendar that shows all of the homework you have due for a specific class. If you have more than one class at a time, which is pretty common, color-code the assignments. I mark up my calendar as soon as the syllabus is available, so that an assignment does not show up unexpectedly. (Now that I am a teacher, I obviously get the syllabus first, but teaching for three colleges, I mark up each college’s work on my calendar accordingly. I know which students will be turning something in and when to expect it, so that I can track my own grading schedule).

Then you need to mark in work commitments, family commitments, and church activities. Take a careful look, so that you know well in advance when you will be having a particularly busy week. Work ahead as much as possible, if you know a busy week is coming. Is there some reading that you can do ahead of time? Does your professor release discussion boards a week ahead of the due date (one of my colleges requires that I do this, to make accommodations for our large groups of military students).

Finally, chart in some down-time. This may be difficult, but you do need to relax. Note: Do not try to guilt-trip your professor into letting you submit things late just because you are overwhelmed. It is not our fault that you work full time, are taking 7 classes for a double-major, and are expecting identical quadruplets the second week of class.

Hope this helps!

Dr. Sheri

Planning for Your Financial Future Starts Now

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hello everyone:

You may be a young person who is just starting out in life and planning for your financial future may seem like something to put off for a lot of years……don’t do it.

I recently spoke with a dear friend whose parents did not plan adequately for their retirement years. She and her husband are now responsible for helping them out. It has been a financial strain but, if they had put away some money as they worked, they would not be destitute now.

What plans have you made for your future? How will you avoid being a financial burden to your children in the coming years?  I would love to hear your ideas!

Best,

Dr. Sheri

What constitutes beauty?

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hello everyone:

What do you think makes someone beautiful? Is it the inner glow or a well-turned makeup and hair job? Do you think it is the combination of these internal and external things?

Recently, I attended a conference where a friend of mine was going to give a presentation. Someone else had the room right before she did, so we entered and sat in the back, waiting for her turn. As it happened, the previous speaker was a radical feminist who was sharing her view of the world.

When the workshop was over, my friend and I headed for the front of the room, to get things ready for her presentation. The feminist cornered me and said, “I just want you to know that you don’t need to dye your hair anymore. You can stop curling your hair and you should dump that silly flower. You can stop wearing makeup and you don’t need jewelry or fancy clothes anymore. Wear jeans and T-shirts and be comfortable.”

Before I could respond, she went on her way. Now folks, your author is someone whose theme song as a child was “I Enjoy Being a Girl.” If you have ever seen me, you know that I do not go out of the house without my hair done, my makeup on, and my “silly flower” firmly planted in my hair. I wear jewelry, though not to excess, and try to always look my best. Why? Because I feel better about myself when I do it.

What do you think about the feminist’s comments to me? How would you have responded? I look forward to hearing what you have to say.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

P.S. Yes, I dye my hair. My former pastor always said, “If the barn needs painting, paint it.” I chose to use brown paint.

New Year’s Resolutions

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hello everyone:

Do you make New Year’s Resolutions? I conducted a very informal survey today and here is what some of the folks told me:

A very hard-working (and very slender) friend said that she resolves each year to “see more movies, eat more chocolate, and have more fun.” Life is short!

An elderly gentleman at the mall said he resolves to “stay alive.” A noble thought, there!

His wife said she resolves to “be happy.” She always seemed happy to me, but perhaps not.

Their coffee-drinking companion said that he doesn’t have any resolutions but that the additional walkers at the mall and at his health club apparently did. He wonders how long their resolutions will last. Things will settle down, he said, and in a few weeks he will have better access the to machines at his club.

My banker said she resolves not to resolve anything. She doesn’t like the idea of being stuck with resolutions only once a year, as if you can’t start any new lifestyle change at any time other than January. She said that if you want to do something new, just do it. Sounds a bit like a Nike ad!

Whatever your resolution, or lack thereof, I hope that 2017 is a great year for you and yours.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Some kids and college

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hello everyone:

Today I would like to approach the thorny subject of kids and college. Some students I meet would be better off going to trade school than sitting in a college classroom where they don’t want to be.

I know this is shocking news, especially since I teach at three colleges, but the world needs trade school graduates- we need electricians, welders, plumbers, and the like. Case in point: We had a problem with our hot water heater recently. My hubby tried to fix it, but the heating element was fine. He called an electrician who showed up two days later (hey, it was Christmas, so we understood).

What happened? The breaker needed replacing. The electrician sized up the problem, fixed it, and was on his way in 15 minutes. The price tag? Two hundred dollars. That’s not bad, for a guy who never went to college. Instead, trade school taught him what he needed to learn.

Here’s the deal: He was the boss, so he got to keep the money (after expenses). The bottom line: Let your child follow his or her own pathway to success. It might not be what you had hoped and dreamed for, but our electrician loves his work. He shaves the boss every day (or maybe every other day, judging from his looks) and he is very, very good at his job. He also makes good money!

Best,

Dr. Sheri

The importance of watching out for drug interaction

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hello everyone:

Today’s blog may seem a bit unusual for Christmas Day but I wanted to share with you a recent experience with an elderly relative. He lives alone, following the death of his beloved wife two + years ago. He was put on Flomax three months ago, but unknown to his other relatives, he did not tell them that he also started taking a “vitamin” for sleeplessness at the same time.

Sadly, the “vitamin’s” side effects mimicked the side effects for Flomax and he ended up catatonic. Fortunately, his daughter was with him when his problem emerged and she was able to call 911. He recovered completely, after almost two days in the hospital.

The lesson here is: let your family members and your doctors know everything that you take. We wasted valuable diagnostic time by not knowing until day two that he was taking a sleep aid. He could have died, but we are very thankful that, once we realized what the problem was, he could be treated.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Maneuvering in store parking lots

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hello everyone:

It’s Christmas time and all the nut jobs are working overtime, or so it seems. While many completely sane people (like you and me) are trying to make it through Blood Alley (aka shopping center parking lots) alive, there are some definite things not to do. (Please note that I observed this this afternoon in my local grocery store parking lot, so this news is fresh!)

A lady walked out of the store, pushing one of those little carts you get if you aren’t buying much. She threw caution to the wind by not taking the time to see if anyone was coming; she was in the crosswalk, so it was her right-of-way, right?

She proceeded to almost get hit by two different cars going in opposite directions as she walked boldly (to boldly walk where no woman has gone before- my paraphrase) across the blacktop. She then continued towards her car, walking down the middle of the roadway, ignoring those of us who were following behind her in our cars.

After unloading her groceries, she headed to the cart corral and pushed her empty cart in the direction of the corral……the cart did not make it. As she turned and walked back across the lot (without any regard for the fact that I was in danger of putting out her lights permanently), the cart took off down the slopped lot.

The cart picked up speed as it careened down the lot, narrowly missing several parked cars. The woman did not notice my frantic waving- she must have thought I was just being friendly. The cart, now moving at a very brisk pace, headed right in front of an on-coming car. There was no collision, but there were more parked cars ahead……

By the grace of God and the increased slope of the parking lot, the cart turned towards the one place where it would not hit anything- the drainage ditch. The last I saw of the recalcitrant cart, it was full-speed-ahead for the water retention pond.

The lesson here: watch out what you are doing when you leave the store and make sure that the buggy goes where it should……and I haven’t even told you about the lady who ran two stop signs and a traffic light at the mall today. Perhaps I will, another day.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Sending notes to the ill

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hello everyone:

This might be an unexpected blog posting for this time of year, but have you thought about sending notes to folks who are ill?  Your thoughtful comments would mean so much to someone who is hurting.

Here are some tips on how to approach this:

You do not need a fancy, pre-printed card. Food stores (like Safeway, in my neck of the woods) carry blank greeting cards that are available by the packet. I buy some pretty cards in bulk and then send them out as the need arises (it always arises).

Do not tell the other person “I know exactly how you feel.” Obviously, you don’t, but you can share your own personal experience that is similar to what they are facing. Do not make this all about yourself, however.

Mention what the person is experiencing (“I heard that you recently lost your (mother, sister, husband, whoever) and wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers”). You can then tell the individual about your own connection to their grief (“I remember when John walked out, and understand what that feels like….”). Offer assistance, if you wish (“I would love to come over and cook dinner for you on Tuesday night….”) or just let the friend know that you are available (“I am here if you would like to talk about this or if you just want to have a cup of coffee sometime”). Close the note with assurances (“This is a difficult time but …”). Do not tell the person that he or she will laugh about it some day. There might not be any laughing about this for years, especially if John wiped her out financially when he left to go live with that hussy.

This is not something that takes a lot of time, but it can really be an encouragement to the other person. It can also be a blessing in your own life, as you reach out to someone who is going through difficult circumstances right now.

Best,

Dr. Sheri