Making the differently-abled feel more abled

Hello everyone:

Do you know anyone who requires care? Maybe this person has a caregiver who accompanies him or her everywhere he or she goes. A common reaction to the disabled person is that he or she is ignored or overlooked while folks carry on a conversation with the care provider.

This disabled person could be elderly person who is demented or a fairly young person who is in a wheelchair.

Would you like to be a blessing to both the caregiver and the person receiving that care? Talk to the care receiver.  Do not do it in a demeaning way, but actively listen to what the person is saying. If you can’t understand a word, act as if you do. Make that person feel important, valued.

If you approach someone in a wheelchair, get down on that individual’s level, which may mean you have to sit down. Talk to the person as if he or she is important- because disabled folks are just as important as those who are not.

Whether or not someone is able to respond as he or she once was, everyone likes to feel like what he or she says is important. By showing that person is valued, you bless not only the disabled individual, but you bring joy to the caregiver, as well.

Do you have a special way of showing others they are special? I would love to hear your story!

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Being penny wise and not pound foolish

Hello everyone:

I met up with a former high school teacher a few years ago, running into him at the mall. After asking what he was doing now, he told me that he was back at the same high school after a five-year break.

He immediately (and voluntarily) launched into an explanation, telling me that he had met a wealthy, older widow a few years before and that she had taken him into her home (and her pocketbook).

Over a period of a couple of months, she began giving him lavish gifts; her financial advisor cautioned her repeatedly that she was running through her estate very quickly, but she told him to mind his own business.

One day, she asked her counselor if she should marry her much-younger boyfriend and she was told, “You might as well. You’re spending all of your money on him.”

They got married a short time later and their spending increased. He told me that they thought nothing of taking friends to Paris for the weekend or going to New York City for lunch.

He said that they had spent money like drunken sailors on shore leave, until one day when they found out they were broke. They were forced to sell her gorgeous house and their numerous expensive cars.

When I ran into him, they were living in a very modest home with economical cars. He said, “I spent all of her money and now we are back to where I was before I met her.”

To his credit, he did not divorce her and move on, he was actually taking care of her, albeit at a considerably lesser lifestyle than they had become accustomed to. His hard-earned advice: Be careful with your money and spend carefully!

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Keep track of your money

Hello everyone:

This week I was preparing to balance my checking account when I noticed a very large charge against the account, one from a place I had never heard of. I immediately went to my bank (I had laryngitis so talking on the phone was not an option) to find out what had happened.

The bank informed me that the money was given to an apartment complex that is about 30 minutes from my house. A phone call to that complex confirmed that a man and woman had rented an apartment and offered my bank account number as the source of the money to pay the rent.  More news: a second payment had gone through and my account was now out by almost $3,000.00. Additional news: the withdrawal was set up to happen every month from there on out.

The gal had walked into the manager’s office, said that she was me, and told the lady that she wanted to pay her friend’s rent.  I do not know if she was required to show any identification, but, when I asked the rental agent for my money back, she commented, “File a police report.”

They apparently plan on letting the man continue to live there, though the rental agent said, “well, we won’t accept anything except cash or a cashier’s check from him in the future.”  They would not be taking any action against him, though she was going to call him right then.

Long story short, I filed a police report but do not know if they will ever serve time for their crime.  My bank is investigating the situation and I might get my money back….in a couple of weeks.

Here’s the bottom line: stay on top of things with your bank account. Question anything you find unusual….and jump right on any discrepancies. Three thousand dollars is a lot of money, but it would have been worse, if I hadn’t caught them.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Dressing yourself when you don’t know how

Hi everyone:

Here’s a blog from my Suddenly Single Tips website that I thought you might enjoy, as well:

 

There are some fellows whose wives (or mothers) either always bought their clothes or always gave them advice on what to wear. They may find themselves in the dilemma of not knowing what colors to pair up or what tie to put with which suit. If this is your situation, there are several solutions.

The first is to go to an upscale department or clothing store and ask for help. The problem with this is that the sales people may be very helpful but they are there to sell you more new clothes. Many of them are on commission and they don’t make money by helping you match clothing you already have.

The next solution is to ask your friends for help, specifically those with an interest in fashion. This might be a good short-term solution but then you might end up wearing clothes that are their taste but not necessarily yours. The final solution would be to learn how to match clothing yourself.

I spoke recently with a friend who works as a personal stylist at Nordstrom.  Jen told me that men whose wives have always selected their clothing should start with a few basics. She suggested wrinkle-free khaki pants, no-iron shirts, and comfortable shoes.  The pants should be in neutral colors because that is the easiest way to match ties to the clothing.

Shirts should be white or blue; she especially cautioned that the blue should be an Oxford (light) blue rather than a French blue. When you are shopping for clothes (whether male or female), you should keep in mind that different vendors design for different body shapes. You can, therefore, be in great shape but you still might not be able to wear a certain designer’s clothing.

As far as whether to wear pleats or no pleats, pleats are sometimes not as becoming to some men while other fellows look much better in them than in a flat front pant. Try several styles on from a variety of designers and see which pant accommodates your body type the best. If you are not sure, take an honest friend with you to try on clothes.

Some men prefer to not wear a belt, but if you like having one on, pick one that is reversible and you will have two belts in one. As you add to your wardrobe, keep in mind that you don’t need a lot of clothes in your closet, but you should have more tops than bottoms.

One mistake-proof way to purchase pants is to take the Garanimal approach to clothing selection, and one manufacturer is helping you out. Bonobos offers a different color khaki pant for every day of the week. The label tells you which day of the week to wear which pair of pants. If you are willing to invest in seven or more pairs of pants, the fact that the pants are all in the same color palette means that you will not make a mistake when pulling out a shirt and a pair of trousers when you get dressed in the morning. These are all no-iron, tailored pants that range in color from light gray to blue to brown to black, so you might find them attractive. One thing to keep in mind is that your body changes through the years and it is a good idea to go to a high-end store and get measured to make sure you are wearing the right size!

If you enjoy wearing sweaters, here is the scoop on having the best style for who you are. Crew-necked sweaters (round neckline) appeal mostly to younger men. The V-neck sweater is the best bet for older men because it is more flattering on them. V-necked sweaters can be dressed up or down. Add an Oxford blue shirt and T-shirt and you look dressy. Remove the Oxford shirt and just wear a T-shirt under the sweater and you will be more casual and hip.

Quarter-zip sweaters also look stylish and are a good selection if you have shoulder issues or mobility problems. They are also nice for transitional seasons. Cardigan sweaters give you the, well, Mr. Rogers look. However, they can be helpful if you are older and frequently chilly. They can be much easier for your caregiver to help you into, if you are unable to dress yourself.

Jen also said that every man needs at least one pair of jeans. If you are the type of man who would wear a sports coat, make it a navy blue one, since that will go with everything. Before buying one, ask yourself where you would wear it. If you can’t answer the questions, you don’t need the coat.

Coats are also a way to look “together.” North Face coats are hip and trendy, and their 3 in 1 coat is especially good. Denali also makes a good fleece coat and Burber is another good quality jacket. If you do not have a “forever” watch, Hermes, Michael Kohr, or Rolex watches have an excellent reputation.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Superwoman or just well organized: which is it?

Hello everyone:

We all know someone who seems to accomplish a whole lot in her 24 hours. Maybe she is your college professor who teaches 6 different classes at three different colleges, all of which have different starting dates. Perhaps she also writes two blogs twice a week while writing a novel and making presentations on the topic of her dissertation. Perchance she is also keeping her family fed, clothed, and the house clean while also running 8 miles a day, biking 3 miles a day, and walking 4 miles a day.

What in the world? Is this woman nuts? Does she ever sleep? Is she Superwoman? Nope. None of the above (I hope). She is simply organized.

So how is this done while not losing one’s sanity? For starters, she keeps a “to-do” list and crosses things off as they are accomplished. She makes a daily list of what must be done and also has a list on the same page of what it would be nice to do that day. If something is vitally important, it needs to be done FIRST so that the rest of the day will not be spent fretting about having not gotten it completed.

Let’s follow her through a typical day. She keeps her exercise clothes in the bathroom and puts them on before she is totally awake. By the time the fog clears, she is already dressed to exercise, so she might as well do it. Three miles on the bike, eight miles on the treadmill and that is done. BTW, if she was taking a class right then, she would have a study guide for one of her classes blown up into 16 point font and displayed on her bulletin board in front of the treadmill so she could study while running. If she was not taking a class, she would pray for her students and the folks on her church prayer list (again, posted on her bulletin board, filling otherwise non-productive time).  Ninety minutes later, she is done and it is only 7 am.

Next, she gets ready for her day, studying while blow drying her hair or reading a current magazine in the 7 minutes it takes to get her hair dry. That way, she is keeping up with the world in general while using otherwise non-productive time. She does her makeup without distraction because telemarketers haven’t figured out that she is up and at ’em by 7 am. She dresses in an outfit suitable for the entire day (when possible) so that she only has to dress once.

Breakfast means Bible study time and/or catch up with the family.  She is out the door by 8:30, to walk 4 miles, grocery shop, or run errands. Home by lunchtime means no fast food (that adds pounds very quickly) and on to her online classes.

She can check in on 6 classes within a couple of hours, if there are not many assignments due. She grades on a daily basis, so that there are very few marathon grading sessions and so that her students can get immediate feedback on every assignment. They appreciate knowing how to improve their grades for the next assignment by following her in-depth feedback on this one.  She keeps a month-at-a-glance calendar next to her computer so that she can track which week each of the three colleges is in, which students will have assignments due that week, and when her discussion boards open to students.

During the online class time, she makes a point of getting up and moving every 45 minutes by setting an oven timer. She also has a Varidesk, which allows her to fluff her pillow as need be. Classes are usually completely done by 2:30 or 3, so she can take a few minutes to fold the two loads of laundry she did while teaching (the 45 minutes between breaks is enough time to transfer washing into the dryer and then take it out when it is dry).

She can spend the rest of the time until dinner preparation time to blog or write her novel.  To remain faithful to writing, she sets her oven timer for 45 minute increments. After visiting with the family during dinner, she can spend more time writing until Jeopardy is on. Following the game show, there is time to watch a little bit of Doc Martin before an early bedtime.

Do you think she is nuts or just well-organized? I hope you think the later, instead of the former!

Best,

Dr. Sheri

P.S. Welcome to my life!

 

Unlocking locked doors

Hello everyone:

This is a little off topic, but I thought you might like to know how to get your toddle out of the bathroom if he or she is locked in.

Your toddler or grandchild has just locked him or herself in your bathroom. Short of calling 911, how do you get the child out?

It depends on the type of doorknob that you have (and how old it is). If it is a relatively new doorknob, you should have a small hole in the center of the handle. These locks usually came with a key-type piece of metal. It is recommended that you keep this metal key on top of your door frame, in case of emergency. Rub your hand over the top of the door, to see if your key is there. If it is, poke the piece of metal into the door knob until you hear a “click.” The door should now be unlocked. If you have a flat-sided key, then you may have to poke it into the handle and turn the key in order to get the door to unlock.

With some older doors, there is no hole to poke into the handle. Grab a Phillips head screwdriver (the one that looks like a starburst on the tip) and head towards the door. Remove the screws on the side of the handle that are visible from your side of the door. [Note: Keep the screws local- you will need them after you get the child out of the room.] Reach into the lock mechanism and unlock the door.

Plan on putting the handle back on the door after the child is freed. You will do this by putting the screws you took out a few minutes ago, putting them back on the handle area, and screwing them back into place.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

 

Does stress have you down?

Hello everyone:

Stress can be a terrible thing. It can rob you of sleep, make you lash out at those you love, and it can make you physically ill. Like I said, it’s not nice.

I know a gal who holds many things inside. She now has ulcers in her mouth- the doctor says that they are totally stress-related. The ulcers make eating difficult and painful. They make sleeping uncomfortable. They make life pretty darn miserable.

What can you do about stress? Some folks find exercise helpful. Others drink (I don’t recommend this!) Others go to the movies, watch tv, or listen to their favorite music.

If you are stressed  from college, I recommend going and talking to your teachers. Tell them what you are going through. If you go to a Christian college, you can ask them to pray for you. (I have had students ask me to pray for them at the two secular colleges where I teach. I am happy to do it.)

What do you do to relieve stress? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Like the old saying goes: you don’t get ulcers from what you eat. You get ulcers from what is eating you. Literally, food for thought.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

 

Attitude of gratitude

Hello everyone:

Today’s blog is appropriate for Thanksgiving weekend. I am thankful for the wonderful students I have. When you teach at three colleges and have a total of ten courses to teach across a four-month span of time like I do, it is easy to get discouraged by students who do not put forth effort.

But then I run into students who are facing unplanned difficulty while trying to keep up with a crazy work, home, and school schedule.  These are folks who let me know when they are confronted with difficulties beyond the normal hassles and challenges of daily life.

One of my students was an older man facing life-threatening heart problems. Another student woke up one morning to find her bedclothes covered with blood. Diagnosis? Advanced breast cancer. Another gal faced the unexpected death of her 30-something hubby in a car crash. They still haven’t figured out exactly what happened, but alcohol and drugs were not an issue and it was about 5 pm when his fatal one-car accident happened.

These people all had one thing in common: they soldiered on in the face of great odds. Two of them ended up having to postpone the completion of their courses, but one of them will actually graduate on time.

I am thankful for the opportunity to help guide my students through their challenges and consider it a privilege to do so.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Dr. Sheri

Putting money in a bag with holes

Hello everyone:

You wouldn’t put money in a bag that wasn’t sewn up correctly. If it had big, gaping holes, your cash would fall right out, right? If you wouldn’t do that with your finances, why would you put your college education in the same pickle? You know, you work hard but not very hard and get the assignments done but not very well.

Why would you waste your time doing things halfway? I had a student recently who had the gift of being mediocre, at best. His bag was so full of holes that he had difficulty keeping his mundane writing assignments turned in on time. He juggled numerous tasks but did none of them well enough to rate anything higher than a C. Apparently, he was fine with being average. When the end of the term came, he was very, very close to the next grade, but hadn’t done quite enough to warrant my curving his grade. So I didn’t.

On a completely unrelated topic, I recently visited some open houses when visiting in Florida this past month. I went into a newly-constructed house and was amazed at the poor quality finishes they used on an otherwise nice-looking house. The builder had the opportunity to build the retirement home of a lifetime for someone but he had made the decisions to use Formica instead of granite, linoleum instead of hard wood, and Bath Fitter tubs instead of tile.  With those cuts in mind, I wondered how the home itself was constructed. Did he do everything on the cheap? I’m willing to bet that he did. His bag was full of holes and those holes showed.

I went to another open house, where I viewed a one million dollar home. Sadly, that bag was full of holes, as well. The owners had made some very unwise design decisions, resulting in a conglomeration of rooms that were oddly shaped and painted in strange colors (who does BRIGHT, neon orange in a home they want a million dollars for? This owner, apparently!).

Do you have a bag of holes for your cash or do you do each job to the best of your ability? This is really your call, you know.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Destination Weddings are not for the Faint of Heart

Hello everyone:

Have you ever been to a destination wedding? I went to one recently and discovered something interesting: the destination is a place that the bride and groom want to go to, but the guests, not so much.

We were in the wilds of New England, where the bride and her family loved to go when she was growing up. The groom was not so enamored of the place, but he was enamored of the bride, so he went.  Folks, my idea of roughing it is the Hilton Garden Inn, not some backwater place with no television, no radio, no phones (cellphone availability was not available and texting only went through every once in a while), and no air conditioning on a humid 95+degree weekend in summer.

Lest you say that I should have forgotten the Internet while I was there, I was under contract to be available to my employers and did not have a choice about doing some work that weekend. I also call my elderly father four times a week and could not get through to him because of the lack of phone service.

Here’s an idea: how about if you share your nuptial vows where is does not take me an entire day and hundreds of dollars to fly into the place and another day to return home? Taking three days out of my life to watch you get married in a half an hour is just a bit much to ask, in my book.

I will confess that, if I had been emotionally close to the bride and groom, I would have been willing to shell out the time and money for what was actually a five-day celebration of their wedding. (I only went to three of the five days.)

What do you think of this topic? Do you find destination weddings as frustrating as I did this past weekend? I would love to hear your tales of woe!

Best,

Dr. Sheri