Hello everyone:

I meet young people every day who chose to get married before graduating from college. The question is: Should you do this or should you wait?

Let’s go through some pros and cons.

The pros include being married to your soul mate (please note that no one has ever told me that she is marrying someone who isn’t her soulmate).

Being able to have a socially-acceptable intimate relationship.

Knowing that you don’t have to scramble for a date.

Having the peace of mind that says someone loves you enough to commit his or her life to you (though I did attend a wedding where the groom promised to stay married as long as he loved his bride. She promised the same thing. They are having problems only a few years in. No surprise there).

Companionship, friendship, and deep love can be fully expressed.

The cons include removing yourself from the dating scene before you are fully grown up.

Having to consider his or her wants and needs before you do your homework, which takes your focus off of your studies.

Having to be a cook, maid, and laundry person for someone besides yourself.

Facing the possibility of pregnancy at finals time.

Being confronted with a spouse who finds you “boring” because you are studying “all the time” and dropping out of college before you complete your degree.

So, what are you to do? If you were asking me, I would wait for the “I do’s” until after college. Take it from me. I dropped out of college four times before I finally decided to “get it done.” It took me 30 years to get back to school. Don’t wait that long. It’s better to wait now, than to not wait and have to wait.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

Do you ever feel like there is a very narrow line between your life working well and sheer disaster?

Sometimes I think some of my students experience that, as they sign up for a boatload of classes while working full time, caring for their family, and finding time for themselves and their spouse.

And the thing is, they keep plowing along, not doing their homework and thinking that, some how some way, the Homework Fairy is going to come along and hit them over the head with all of their assignments completed and garnering straight A grades.

Folks, just like business success is not going to drop out of nowhere, the Homework Fairy does not exist and she’s not coming to visit you at the eleventh hour. I promise.

It isn’t going to get better, if you just keep hoping that, somehow, everything will get done, that it will be completed. You are asking for a miracle.

So what do you do? I have some very bright students who realized that the first and second summer sessions overlap by two weeks and that they were going to have double homework during that period, along with full time jobs. How did they handle it? They worked ahead and finished their assignments two week early. This advice is probably too late for you, at this juncture.

(Please note that they also did these assignments very well. Some students turn things in early. They are turning “let’s throw some mud against the wall and hope some of it sticks” quality work. All that does is tick off the instructor. )

By the way, the bright students planned ahead for this extra-early turn in of work. Very cool. Those are the kind of students who receive offers of letter of recommendation from their professors. But I digress.

So, what should you do? If possible (and if you actually are going to do the work), ask your professor for an Incomplete. That will give you three extra weeks to complete the work BUT keep in mind that a much lower grade goes along with turning in the assignments so late. So far, the track record for my students who actually do the work after getting an Incomplete is one in thirteen years. Not very good statistics.

You might consider withdrawing from the class, if it isn’t too late. A “W” on your record is better than an “F” any day.

Finally, you could put your life on hold, take some vacation days, and just get it done. I know folks who have done that and they successfully finished the course. It’s your call, but please make a decision and stick with it.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

Here you are. You are a senior in college. You have carefully set up your class schedule so that you can get the professors you want. You have the semester all figured out. Until you don’t.

What happened? Well, the professors are told what classes they will be teaching. They start work on preparing the classes during their off time and then, suddenly, they are shifted to another set of classes.

It’s not our fault. We are team players and we do what the Powers That Be want. We need to support the needs of our department, even if that throws a monkey wrench in our plans. And yours. It is our job to teach our students but it is also important that we support the folks who make the decisions.

So where does that leave you? If you really do have a choice about what classes you take for your Degree Completion Program, then shift some classes around so that you still get that favorite professor. (It’s so flattering to have a student come and beg to be in your class, that I will oversubscribe a class just to help a student out.)

Keep in mind that lots of folks drop during the drop/add period, so you may still be able to get into that special professor’s class, even without begging!

Hang in there. If you still can’t get into the teacher’s class, stop by and chat with him or her during office hours. You might even grab lunch with him or her. You can still be around that person, you just need to be creative.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

Recently, a student told me that she hadn’t done her homework because she didn’t know there would be so much to do when she signed up for the course. Looking at the syllabus ahead of time might have helped, but she didn’t do that.

She told me that she worked full time, had a husband, a few kids, and had to have some time for herself. In addition to that, her husband’s birthday fell on the due date of a major assignment and she needed to make him a very nice birthday dinner. She was sorry but her hubby took center stage ahead of any silly assignment. (Okay, so she didn’t call it “silly” but she might as well have done so. The bottom line was that the assignment was not getting done any time soon.)

When we talked about it, I said that I was always surprised by people who waited until Christmas Eve to start their Christmas shopping. Didn’t they know it was coming?

It was at that point that I shared how I made it through two degrees at the same time, kept my house reasonably clean, cooked for my family, was active in my church, and home-schooled my younger son.

It was by being organized. I purchased a month-at-a-glance calendar and, as soon as I got my syllabus from an instructor, I color-coded each class’s homework assignments. Major assignments were highlighted in bright yellow. When you are taking 21+ credit hours every semester, it is the only way to fly.

Everything went onto that calendar, including date nights with my husband, church activities, and family-related stuff. Dental and doctor appointments were also entered, so that there were no surprises. (And I could take my hubby out for his birthday without guilt because I worked ahead, to allow for the time off.)

To this day, I still keep a similar calendar, though now my notes are from the other side of the computer screen, as I note assignments that my students have coming up.

In 13 years of higher education, I personally only missed one assignment (I forgot to enter it on the calendar. My professor was so shocked that I turned the essay in one day late that he forgave me for being tardy. He knew it was completely out of character).

Yes, a standard calendar is old-fashioned, but it never crashes, never requires Internet access, and never has low batteries. I suggest you buy one- I get mine at Staples every year. No, they didn’t pay me to say this.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Hello everyone:

I relearned a valuable lesson recently. Many years ago, there was an Olympic speed skater who was very close to the finish line. Then he fell. He wasn’t hurt, but he sat on the ice and had a pity party.

He couldn’t hear the commentators, who were yelling through their headset microphones. All he had to do, they said, was get up and skate across the finish line and he would get the silver medal. He didn’t even have to skate fast.

You see, his numbers across the board were so high that he couldn’t fail, even if he didn’t win. But he didn’t. When he finally rose to his feet, he skated off the course and never finished the race. And the silver medal went to someone else.

I had a case where a student just needed to write a two-page paper and she would get an A for the course. It didn’t have to be very profound. It just needed to be mediocre and it would bump her grade up to the next level.

But she didn’t do it. In fact, she seemed very testy that I even suggested that she complete this last assignment.

Folks, don’t be like that. Finish from a position of strength, not weakness. When she needs a letter of recommendation for that perfect job, I will remember her as a quitter. It would have taken very little effort and probably less than an hour for her to complete the task, just like the skater who only had a few feet to go to win a silver medal, but didn’t.

Best,

Dr. Sheri