College Life / Uncategorized
Hello everyone:
I meet young people every day who chose to get married before graduating from college. The question is: Should you do this or should you wait?
Let’s go through some pros and cons.
The pros include being married to your soul mate (please note that no one has ever told me that she is marrying someone who isn’t her soulmate).
Being able to have a socially-acceptable intimate relationship.
Knowing that you don’t have to scramble for a date.
Having the peace of mind that says someone loves you enough to commit his or her life to you (though I did attend a wedding where the groom promised to stay married as long as he loved his bride. She promised the same thing. They are having problems only a few years in. No surprise there).
Companionship, friendship, and deep love can be fully expressed.
The cons include removing yourself from the dating scene before you are fully grown up.
Having to consider his or her wants and needs before you do your homework, which takes your focus off of your studies.
Having to be a cook, maid, and laundry person for someone besides yourself.
Facing the possibility of pregnancy at finals time.
Being confronted with a spouse who finds you “boring” because you are studying “all the time” and dropping out of college before you complete your degree.
So, what are you to do? If you were asking me, I would wait for the “I do’s” until after college. Take it from me. I dropped out of college four times before I finally decided to “get it done.” It took me 30 years to get back to school. Don’t wait that long. It’s better to wait now, than to not wait and have to wait.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Sheri Dean Parmelee
Sheri Dean Parmelee has a Ph.D. in Communication Studies from Regent University. She writes books on practical tips for people who become unexpectedly unmarried and is working on her second novel in a series of contemporary romance/suspense novels. She teaches at three colleges, working with students from freshmen to graduate students. Her hobbies include running 8 miles a day and reading biographies and fiction.
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Sheri,
I think the matter of marrying before graduation or waiting is a very personal decision. Yes, generally speaking, it is probably best to wait. Maturity, finances and academics play a huge role in this decision. I feel that your list of pros and especially the cons tend to be dogmatic. There’s an absence of praying for God’s will, commitment, love and servanthood, prioritizing, partnership and mutual goal setting in your brief pros and cons. It sounds to be rather selfish and self centered which is not the position to be in deciding whether to marry in either case.
Just my thought on this one.
Jeannie, thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my posting. Yes, praying for God’s will is incredibly important and we should definitely seek His face and will for our lives. At the same time, I think we need to be practical as well, and realize that priorities change after marriage. In my own life, I found that my husband, who appeared to be very supportive of my college ambitions, found plenty of reasons to distract me from my goal once we had tied the knot. I had new responsibilities as a wife and had to set my college dreams aside for many years. If a young woman (or man) is in the position of being able to wait until after graduation, I really do think that is a better plan. Even though we may disagree, I do appreciate your taking the time to make a comment and hope to hear more from you in the future.