Choosing Really Bad Topics for Assignments or How to Really Tick off the Professor

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hello everyone:

How do you pick a topic to write about? Hopefully, you do not seek out the one topic that the professor will hate and focus all of your attention on that.

Case in point: I teach a few classes per year as an adjunct full professor for a college I have been with for the past ten or more years. I enjoy teaching business and professional writing for them and the college seems to enjoy my enjoyment.

This term, I have a student who shall remain nameless (lest he sue me) who has proposed a topic as follows: He wants to write about his stance that, since pot is now legal in many states, employees who come to work high should be allowed to sue their employers for discrimination, should the employers fire them for coming in stoned. Say what????? Seriously??

I even suggested earlier in the term that he pick a different, more appropriate topic but he is not to be deterred. Be still my soul….

I would love to get your take on this issue. What would you do with this suggestion? Can you even imagine a doctor suing the hospital for firing him (or her) for coming in to perform brain surgery, after having a few drags on a marijuana cigarette? Perish the thought! Am I being too conservative?

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Nontraditional Students? How Do You Cope?

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hello everyone:

I run into nontraditional students (AKA older than most of the other folks) all the time these days. When I was an undergraduate (2001-2006), I was a rarity. But as the divorce rate leaves 813,000 people per year alone and 800,000 people per year are widowed, more people (mostly women, from my observation) are trying to further their careers by going back to school.

Some are seeking undergraduate degrees but most of the folks I see are after graduate education. So, that begs the question: How do you cope with being the oldest person in the room, except for the professor? (Please note that, when I was in college, I was older than most of my professors, but I digress.)

I found it very lonely, since I was the only person I knew who was back at school at UMCP who was my age…. The students basically wanted my notes and my help with projects, but we never hung out together. My college did not acknowledge the presence of older students.

Thankfully, that has changed. These days, there are more folks who are returning to complete their educations (or to get them in the first place) and there is more fellowship available for them.

So how do you manage running your household, caring for kids, earning a living, and going to school? Very carefully. You need to get a month-at-a-glance calendar and mark off every assignment, every day you are working, and all of your children and family activities.

You will have to be very disciplined, but I know you can do it. I ran a decorating business, home schooled, was active in my church, and went to school full time. As I got into higher and higher education, some of those activities went by the wayside (my homeschooler graduated, the company I represented closed up shop, and I learned that I didn’t have to be at church every time the doors opened).

I congratulate you on your decision to make a better life for yourself and your family. I also know that, if I did it, you can too.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Come Again or What in the World are You Talking About?

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hello everyone:

There are times when I simply do not have a clue what someone is writing about. Let me give you a few examples. Now, stay local and stay with me here. This is gonna get messy.

Here is a sentence from an assignment I read today:

This detail would have given lucidity as to why their project was victorious.

Come again? Huh? What in the world do you mean by that? Are you saying that, if someone had included some tidbit of information, they would have succeeded in what they were trying to do? It seems that is your point but I am really not too sure.

Here’s another one: The authors accentuated the purpose of the congealed report. Do say! Or, should I say, I have no idea what you are talking about. I first thought you said “accented the purpose,” but, no, that was definitely an “accentuated” there.

Or another line: Like most social phenomena the nucleus of some conflicts is at the intersection of various perspectives, beliefs, and encounters. Could you please help me out by including a comma with the introductory phrase “like most social phenomena??

If you have the slightest idea of what these students were trying to elucidate through this completely obtuse language, please let me know. Do people really talk (or, in this case, write) like this? Apparently so.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Class Started Today but You Were a No-show

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hello everyone:

There are times when you should be in class. In my humble opinion, this should be every day. Apparently, you think differently. Just like last term and the semester before, you didn’t show up for the first class meeting.

We accomplished quite a bit today. We went over the syllabus in detail (yes, I know that must be a dreadful bore but now everyone, except you, knows what to expect for the entire semester). We picked teams for the semester. You aren’t on one.

Now, I did consider letting others pick you for a teammate without your being there, but it’s really unfair to them. The reflection papers I got from your teammates last term talked about just how hard it was to get you to do anything and how hard it was to plan things when you rarely appeared for Team Time in class. So what’s a professor to do?

I have an idea: You can work alone this term. Yep, that seems totally fair, given what I observed and your former teammates shared. It isn’t that I don’t like you. I do. You are a very pleasant person to be around, albeit a very unreliable one.

What are your thoughts on this? I would love to see what you say.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Me and Her and Other Interesting Word Combinations

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hi everyone:

Here we go, off into another semester. I hope you had a good break and are ready to jump in with both feet. Start strong at the beginning and you have a better chance of completing your course successfully.

Sometimes students get off o the wrong foot through the use of improper grammar. The Comma Cop, the Grammar Guru, is always on patrol and this break was no exception.

I was watching my beloved HGTV during the break and saw an episode of Property Brothers, Forever Home when one of the teenagers gave a gift to the brothers at the end of the episode. She shyly looked at Jonathan and said, “Me and her made it for you.”

Nails on a chalkboard. Here’s the deal, folks. Always think of others first and put them first (and yourself last) in a sentence. This little Miss also used a possessive pronoun (her) where she meant to use a regular, run-of-the-mill pronoun. What she should have said is, “She and I made it for you.”

Here’s the test: Separate the one sentence into two sentences and give it a try. “Me and her made it for you” would, therefore, read, “Me made it for you. Her made it for you.” Nope. Wrong. Buzzer sounds.

Here’s the right way to write the three sentences: “She made it for you. I made it for you. She and I made it for you.” Home run. Out of the ballpark.

Here’s a Just-For-Fun test: What do you call the cardboard sleeve that goes around a take-out coffee to keep you from burning your hands due to the heat of the cup? The sleeve is called a “Zack.”

What do you call something that is slightly off kilter? Cattywampus. My treadmill, for example, was put back together wrong and was cattywampus when I ran on it, causing me to become injured. (This is a true example.)

What do you call it when something stimulates you (such as a great professor whose lectures interest you greatly)? Titillation. Isn’t that a great word?

I hope you enjoyed this blog posting. Welcome back to school!

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Oh, You Better Watch Out

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hello everyone:

Just a couple of quick comments today on the topic of following directions. Please do it. Okay, we’re done.

All right, not really (with regards to being done, not regarding following directions). I have a group of college seniors at one of my colleges where I am an instructor and these dear folks really struggle with following directions.

Of course, part of the problem is that they don’t read the announcements, so they have no idea when I have posted clarification of an assignment. For example, the current week requires that they submit a rough draft of their final project BUT this rough draft only needs eight lines of text, and is merely so I can tell if they understand what has to be in the final project.

The components are listed in the instructions, so this whole rough draft will take them less than two minutes to do. But they just scanned the instructions; they, therefore, do not know for sure what the instructions said. So what do I get?

I get executive summaries that are posing as the entire project. They submit memos (a letter is a requirement, but the memo writing was so three weeks ago!). Sometimes they will give me a two-page Table of Contents. Let me explain that last comment- the Table of Contents will indicate that the entire project will be two pages in length. (The required length is 2,000 words, so there is no way that will fit on two pages, unless the font is so small that I cannot read it!)


They also love to turn in memos. They will list the “Letter of Transmittal” on their Table of Contents and then write a memo. Please note that, weeks ago, I gave them an example of the modified block letter that is one of those eight components. Folks, there is a difference between a memo and a letter. However, they will also not read my feedback so that memo-that-should-be-a-letter will show up in the final document. And it will be wrong.

The amazing thing is that these folks are frequently excellent writers, but their lack of attention to detail will cost them points- a lot of them. So, you’d better watch out. Failure to follow instructions can be expensive.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Semi-Colons versus Colons: The Great Dilemma

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hi everyone:

One of the biggest issues some student have, including master’s students, is when to use a semi-colon or a colon. Here’s the scoop.

If you have two complete sentences (also known as independent phrases), you can put them together into one sentence using a semi-colon. Do not stick the word “and” in there- just combine the two sentences and put a semi-colon in between them. It could not be more simple.

Do not join two independent clauses with a comma; that is wrong (this sentence, however, is right). If you want to use the word “and,” then do not use a semi-colon. An example of all of these comments is seen below:

I want to go out to dinner. I would like to see a movie afterwards.

I want to go out to dinner; I would like to see a movie afterwards.

I want to go out to dinner, and I would like to see a movie afterwards.

All of these sentences are correct. Using a semi-colons correctly will impress the professor; using them incorrectly will irritate her.

So when do you use a colon? You can use them for lists of things, such as the following:

We are taking the following items with us: tents, sleeping bags, and toiletries. Please note that I did not capitalize the word after the colon, It is not a proper noun. An exception to this rule is if you are using a quotation immediately after the complete sentence in which you placed the colon. Here is an example:

The pastor announced: “Everyone, please come into the the gym after dinner.”

Hope this helps!

Best,

Dr. Sheri

To Take Extra Credit or Not to Take Extra Credit: That is the Question

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hello everyone:

I have one class that had the chance to take an extra credit opportunity recently. Students should think of this rare bird as an insurance policy, not a bother. Let me tell you why.

You might have a bad day. I heard a story from a friend of mine who only had to take four out of five exams in one of his classes. What did he do? He blew off an early exam, in favor of taking all the rest of the tests for the semester. He went to the beach instead of going to class. That might have been the end of the story, but it wasn’t.

Later that term, the really, really bad flu was going around. He managed to duck it for a few weeks, until disaster struck right before the final exam. Yep, he got the flu. He was so sick he couldn’t see straight. Sadly, he had skipped the earlier exam, so the final was absolutely necessary, if he wanted to pass the course. And he did. Guess how he took that final? Yep, he showed up coughing, sneezing, high temp, feeling really punk, and wrapped in a blanket. It was not a pretty sight, as you might imagine.

Some students came up to me after class when I had just talked about the extra credit and asked, “Is that mandatory extra credit? Do we really have to do it?” (Note that their emphasis was on the word “have.”) I told them that, first of all, they needed it badly and, second, it would help them study for the final exam. Yes, they did “have” to do it.

Now folks, I realize you are busy (let’s compare schedules some time) but why would you give up this chance to turn a mediocre grade into a really nice one? Think about it. Seriously. Then thank the instructor and do the extra work.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Words Do Not Mean the Same Thing

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hello everyone:

I was perusing some assignments this week and discovered some very interesting things: some students believe that there is no difference between some very common words. Let me be more specific.

The word “or” cannot substitute for “our” or “are.” Neither can the word “our” be a successful stand in for “are.” Folks, it doesn’t matter how southern your accent is, that substitution will not work to your advantage on a college-level paper. “Are” doesn’t work for “hour,” either.

You cannot tell me something is “not in vein” when you meant that it is “not in vain.” It’s been done. It doesn’t work so well. Not at all, truth be known. The former means you have put something into your body; the second one is right on the money, if you tried to do something and it didn’t work.

“Alright” isn’t. It should be “all right.” It is always written as two words, when it is done correctly. Do not cite Mr. Ibid in your papers, either. He belongs in footnotes and on reference pages, as the sexless “Ibid.” Do not place him in sentences (Mr. Ibid states that…..) or as part of an in-text citation (Ibid, 2019, p. 123). Neither is correct. Yes, both have made an appearance in papers I have gotten.

Watch out for et al., which I have seen in many incarnations (ets all, et al’s, and eats all, to name a few). A couple of those belong at a pie-eating contest, not in your paper.

“Oftentimes” is a lovely word but it is not two lovely words. Every week, someone writes it as two. Please don’t do that. More recently, scholars have used the word “often” in place of the more archaic “oftentimes.” I find students frequently want to impress me with their vocabulary and use the longer word. I’m okay with “oftentimes,” finding it charming, but I appreciate students who use it correctly.

“Within” and “in” do not mean the same thing. Just ask Siri. The longer of the two words is used to impress. It is always used when the student means “in” but “in” doesn’t sound half as fancy. Don’t impress me; be accurate.

One final note: You have been faithful to read this to the end, so I will reward you with a joke I heard on the radio this morning. The story is told regarding online dating services. The gal said, “When a fellow says he lives in a gated community, beware. He could mean he lives in a prison.”

Best,

Dr. Sheri

Incomplete Does Not Mean You are a Nincompoop, It Just Means You Need to Get Busy

Posted on by Sheri Dean Parmelee

Hello everyone:

Sometimes, the end of the semester comes before the end of your work. Now, if you are just poorly organized, you can’t really expect the professor to cut you a break.

On the other hand, if your computer woke you up with the black screen of death, your father had a stroke, your son got a broken arm, and your daughter just had quintuplets, then you might have a solid foundation for asking for a little more time. Ask the professor, nicely, if you can get an incomplete and finish in a couple of weeks.

One the other hand, if your husband’s birthday required that you bake him a cake and you still haven’t recovered your stride for the past two weeks, then, I am not motivated to give you an extension. (Yes, I have heard that excuse. I didn’t buy it because, the way I looked at it, she knew her hubby’s birthday was coming, he wasn’t a three or four year old, and I doubt that it really took her two weeks to recover from …baking a cake???)

Now, the thing about getting the incomplete is that you need to do the work to turn it into a complete grade. Let’s say you had an eight week course. You got behind and only did work for the first three weeks. You managed, by the grace of God and the kindness of your professor, to get a three week extension. This means you now have three weeks to complete five weeks worth of work.

The amazing thing is that some folks will then proceed to do either (a) nothing at all and still end up with an F or (b) do the assignments so poorly that they fail anyway. The third option (c) is that they do the work wonderfully and end up with an A. Please note that, in my thirteen years of teaching college classes, option c has never happened. Not once. Most of the time, option a is preferred but, every once in a while, I see an option b.

So, what should you do? Get busy, like the title of this blog posting says. Right now. Don’t wait till the cake cools or you get it iced and eaten. Do the work now, turn it in as quickly as you can (making sure that you are submitted quality work), and finish the course successfully.

Best,

Dr. Sheri